have you ever wanted something so bad it hurt, or you felt as if you couldnt wait anymore.
i just dont know how much more waiting i can do. why cant i just have it now!
life again slapping me across the face
thanx
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
october
october has been so weird for me.
ive felt lost and sad and confused this whole month.
i lost my grandpa and that hurt me so bad. i still get sad when i think about it. ive never had anyone close to me pass. i miss my papi beto.
well my other grandpa is back yet again from mexico i swear he might as well live here. lol. hes so funny.
i cant help but feel bi polar. i cant help but think some thing is gonna go wrong with us. i know i trust him but i think i may just be a little scared too. maybe im looking for reasons not to. ive been so hurt in the past that i cant seem to let myself believe that someone wont hurt me..eventually. im too cynical i guess..maybe, cuz i dont hold on to baggage so it cant be that..
i really just dont wanna end up finding something out.
i dont get too sad over people but that would brake me. hes the only boy that i will ever cry over and i rather just not.
i regret my last txt, so now i have to prepare what im going to say when he wakes up and sees it. well if i never would have said something it would haunt me.
is there such a thing as being too understanding..some of my Friends would have blown up if they were in my shoes.
nah i just know theres nothing to worry about. i trust him he hasn't given me a reason not too. plus it would be hard to hide shit from me.
i need to get over this, i dont know why i feel as if im waiting for something to go wrong. nothings perfect something may, but im scared its one of those things where it cant be fixed wrong.
i need to stop being such a girl and realize that this guys is working his ass off and giving up alot to be with me, i feel kinda guilty sometimes.
not all guys are douches, they just dont think sometimes...
plain and simple.
yea whatever im such a sucker for him. hes such a softie when it comes to me.. :]
maybe im just feeling like im losing everything, losing my grandpa is hard so maybe im scared to lose someone else...
death is complicated.
ive felt lost and sad and confused this whole month.
i lost my grandpa and that hurt me so bad. i still get sad when i think about it. ive never had anyone close to me pass. i miss my papi beto.
well my other grandpa is back yet again from mexico i swear he might as well live here. lol. hes so funny.
i cant help but feel bi polar. i cant help but think some thing is gonna go wrong with us. i know i trust him but i think i may just be a little scared too. maybe im looking for reasons not to. ive been so hurt in the past that i cant seem to let myself believe that someone wont hurt me..eventually. im too cynical i guess..maybe, cuz i dont hold on to baggage so it cant be that..
i really just dont wanna end up finding something out.
i dont get too sad over people but that would brake me. hes the only boy that i will ever cry over and i rather just not.
i regret my last txt, so now i have to prepare what im going to say when he wakes up and sees it. well if i never would have said something it would haunt me.
is there such a thing as being too understanding..some of my Friends would have blown up if they were in my shoes.
nah i just know theres nothing to worry about. i trust him he hasn't given me a reason not too. plus it would be hard to hide shit from me.
i need to get over this, i dont know why i feel as if im waiting for something to go wrong. nothings perfect something may, but im scared its one of those things where it cant be fixed wrong.
i need to stop being such a girl and realize that this guys is working his ass off and giving up alot to be with me, i feel kinda guilty sometimes.
not all guys are douches, they just dont think sometimes...
plain and simple.
yea whatever im such a sucker for him. hes such a softie when it comes to me.. :]
maybe im just feeling like im losing everything, losing my grandpa is hard so maybe im scared to lose someone else...
death is complicated.
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