um hello?!

does friend ship not mean anything to people now a days.

fuck people.

how can you be so close to someone. always have them run to you. you do everything for them. and then they just leave like its no big thing.


twice

its been done to me twice

im sick of people making me feel like i wasnt as big as a part of there lives as they were mine.

lately im starting to think i really dont have close friends anymore.

i guess ill see ya when you come back, if ever

i guess ill never see you again, since we both pushed eachother away

i would hate to think the person i loved, didnt give a shit back

i need to be cured

i am currently in love with the Jonas Brothers.

did i just wake up and forget im about to be 21 in august?

so i love cartoons, the disney channel, love everything hello kitty and im in love with the jonas brothers.

haha..ill Never grow up hehe.





is it wrong that my favorite is just 19! not even like turning 19 in August. omg. not good.



can you guess which ones my fave? yea the one on the left with the scarf, supper manly. i swear we kinda had the same hair a while back, but mine was just a little more masculine tho. haha..




hehehe



oh lordy lord, one please <3
ive been really good santa. come on Christmas in July..or early bday present? i promise not to even get TOO drunk when i turn 21. :]

added note: they play their own music, and write their own songs.
ya gotta give them some credit.

its not what it looks like

i ask alot of questions, its not cuz im nosy im just curious.
i guess i like knowing stuff about people. i would ask way more questions then i normally do but i dont want people to get the wrong idea.

like i said theres a difference between me wanting to know shit about you and you giving me your life story that ive heard 5 trillion times already, stop being selfish.

i found out i know one other person that is no on the opposite sex. so this dude from work is anti girls. so we talked about why we are so anti them. its kinda interesting to see how he feels about women and let him know how i feel about the b word..boys.

i need a man and they can be so hard to find...hehe

so we basically to sum it up: girls can lead guys on and make them feel like shit for reading the signals wrong, and guys say a bunch of nice shit for the boooootay.

there are exceptions ex: me and him.

also my friend sandra is going through what i went thru a while back with my ex, who we dont talk about anymore. it sucks to know that she has to go thru such crap. its so weird how one boy can make you feel so small, but then make you so incredibly happy so easily with any little thing. they can get away with murder.

i told her that i just cut out my ex from my life. i didnt tell her to do the same, but i told her that he isnt gonna give her what she needs and she needs to realize if the pain is worth it, if its not then she needs to slowly distance her self.

shes not the kind of person to cut someone off, she is just so loving with people.

it just made me think, does that make me a bad person? am i a heartless girl for cutting a boy out of my life i was with for over 2 yrs. i lost my virginity to him for gods sake. it took me a while to cut him out. but when i did it i did it with no remorse.

i wont lie i kinda mest up once, he contacted me..long story.
but i can never let him back in my life. well not any any time soon, maybe in like a yr if i run into him. but even then i dont think i wanna get all chummy.

i cut out my cousin, who was like my sister. well she did talk shit about me and my mom, so that bitch can burn for all i care.

but what kind of person can just not care. its not like i dont love them or miss them sometimes. i always will, they were huge parts of my life. but thats the thing they were.

im such a loving girl, i have enough love for the world. but i cant give it to people who take advantage of it. not anymore.

i learned something, love it gained and earned. not just given. i expect to work for love and i expect people to want to work for mine.



man, i need to learn to discipline my puppy. hes such a guy. he fucks up then licks me, cuddles and gives me that face and i cant help but forgive him. :]
im telling you they get away with murder!!

also

since when does being in a relationship give you the right to get all.......you know uh!
its not like im jealous, i was the one that told you i just wanted to be friends.

you dont gotta get all weird on me.






ive been missing stuff alot lately. everything. i miss my friends. there are some people i could have sworn id never miss cuz we'd always be so tight. and i find myself missing them. i think about them alot. i feel as if they just dont have room for me, and not just cuz they're in "love". i miss them like i'd miss an ex boyfriend i thought id end up married to.
i know i could call or txt, but lately its been to no response. ill get something days late. oh sorry i was busy me and .......
its cool, im so glad they're happy. im glad that they are living there lives and have found some one great to do it with.
its just they were the great people i did it with.
use to do it with.

i joke about needing new friends.
i could never replace them, but i guess i gotta just find new people to love and explore with.
i guess it was kinda foolish to think it would just be us forever.




so my dog is no longer scared of the chiwawa by the park. he stood tall and even walked toward it as it barked like the crazy annoying chiwawa that it is.

go toby show him who owns this block!

let me talk to you for a minute

i love late night conversations i do, but i hate it when your talking to some one and you just dont wanna talk anymore so you start feeling bad so you make up some bs lie. oh im getting tired. and then they catch you on myspace and you get a message from them hey i though you went to sleep. then you have to cover that up. jeez.

if someone didnt wanna talk to me i wouldnt care, just can say they're busy or just dont say much till i say well bye. but i cant do that to people i have to lie. cuz i dont wanna be mean.

sometimes i just dont wanna hear about how much your relationship sucks. i dont wanna hear how you hate but still love your ex. i dont wanna hear about some dude or chick. or how much you love your "better half".jeeeeeez.

not to say that during every conversation i have with people i secretly wanna strangle them. there are just those few people that will go on and on. and they ask you one question like so how was your day and before you can finish the sentence it reminds them of something so they go off again.

usually i love to just listen to people. and every once in a while ill say something.

theres a difference between using yourself as an example to explain something or help and just totally talking about you.

its rude.

i do genuinely care about whats going on with my friends and family the good shit the bad, but some people i just wanna run away from when i see coming.

im running out of reasons why i didnt answer my phone.

i hate when you talk to someone you use to be close to but now things have changed and its just so awkward. some times i love it, re living things and catching up. its so much fun. but then there are those people that make it awkward cuz feelings are involved usually both parties feeling the opposite of the other one.


lets just talk about your favorite tv show.
i like cartoons, like toonami kinda shit :]

plant a tree

its hella hot AGAIN!

jeeeez

and i have the worst one arm tan. my fuckin left arm is darker then my right arm. when i drive the suns always burning up that arm. so now i have this light farmers tan. ON ONE ARM

life is so not fair



<3

the black abyss

i just watched serendipity for the first time.
i first have to say that i LOVE john cusak. damn. if he were younger or i was older. i loved him back in the 80's. hes the dorky awkward cute boy of my dreams.


back to the movie.

i believe in fate. completely. i believe as we go about living our lives there are clues left for us to see, letting us know exactly what is mean for us.

i've left alot of my decisions up to fate and chance. it might have been a good thing maybe not. so far everything seems to be going ok, so ill go with it.

but it does make you over analyze every little thing. something i tend to do. its a habit ive kinda shaken.

meh. i let the universe speak to me and i listen and act accordingly








anti boy fem bot out
deuces

this is easy

i could go on forever.
there are to many songs. the older the better.

even tho people have called dashboard confessional "emo" and even me for LOVING them, i love them!!

this band is the perfect soundtrack for love.
for falling into love, and falling out. i prefer the first one.
i could fall in love with them playing in the back ground.


even tho technically its only one guy in the "band" whatever ill still refer to the band as them. lol

my nails are a tangy pink

have you ever just needed to talk. and have someo one listen and give you advise or help you sort things out. you know. like when you talk and talk and basically rationalize and solve your own problem with out there help really, but it was nice that they listened.

i havent wanted to talk to anyone of my usual friends. i dont know.
the people who i would ant to talk to are probly to busy and then just go on and on about them selves and becuase im to nice ill let them, and when the conversation in over ill realize that went no where. for me atleast.
and the ones that would listen im not sure if i want to talk to them.

i think somepeople know me to well. or maybe not enough.

i dont know.

ive been talking to myself alot. its not ok.
i got to the point where i thought it all made sense and i figured alot out. then i just kinda forgot it all i guess.

back to square one. my favorite place to be

i love watching Ghost World

la pinche vida

so. the boy.
i havent been avoiding him. more like "i lost my phone sorry i missed that call" kinda shit you know. or i m busy sorry i cant hang. im a horrible horrid girl that will be forced to walk the world only breaking hearts and never getting the chance to love and be loved.

hes already in a love hurts incubus kinda mood.
aw!!! more akward asian face!!!!!! im doing my best to make it a proper one since i am not the best at it, ed is. [yea thats a shout out, like in the rap music videos]

i hate this, im becoming a nun.

wait, no.

so ive read 2 books in the past 3 days. i would have finished it earlier if i didnt have to:
work thursday, mow the lawn, then help clean the yards, then do all the normal house shit on firday and then go out, and then have family come by today. oh and i walked and played with the dog all 3 days.

im reading a series im on 3 of like 8. so almost! i love amazon.

since on the subject of lawns, i HATE mowing the freaking thing!
i dont know why my mother decided it was a good idea to make me do it on friday. has the woman gone mad!its known that i just dont do it. im not good at it. she always bitches about how i do it un evenly and not well. my responce: then why make me do it. and shes always so quick to say, so you'll learn. i dont wanna learn, if i ever have a lawn ill find a kids who'll do it for 10 bucks. help the little people out a bit, its a win win. and if im married then i guess we know what he'll be doing.
but i had to on friday, i actually decided to do it well. not to good cuz then my mom will make a habit of making me do it, but good enough she wouldnt complain.

ive been so poopy. what the feezie is going in wit me. i really havent been in the mood for anything. i took a nap today, well i guess it wasnt so much of a nap as much as it was sleeping the day away. i woke up at 11. did what i had to. i then read for hours. took a nap at around 3 and didnt get up till almost 8. went to jack in the box. and read until i had to go get my brother.

wow. am i getting use to my old cat lady life already. maybe its a good thing. ill feel less bad for myself later in life. i can use the excuse no im happy this way, since ive been this way since 20.

or maybe it could just be im bored. and just waiting to turn 21, and maybe ill actually take part in having a life again.

my mom even looked at me weird today. i guess this change in me is that noticeable. she asked me if im on my period. i am not.

its probly my fault. im tired of feeling this way, but i dont do anything about it. i just sit back and feel help less. i need to take charge dammit.

i applied at this place where my friend works. her friends gonna be management in about 2 weeks so i think im in.

my bday is coming up.

school is still confusing

fucktard!

i dont wanna become a sham of a person with no future goals or ambition.

why am i being such a downer lately.fuck.

i guess its like one of those things where one thing goes bad so everything else follows and i havent had things be this sucky so its getting to me a bit.

meh. on the bright side even thou i havent been on my adventures, havent ran into random people and situations, i have had my laughs.

man. life is never that bad.

ok must stop. no more blog. lol
less blog more music. or museak or musik or musak
lol