hold my own hand

so ive been feeling very oh la la lately.
i dont know exactly what it may mean.
i guess im over being a brutal bitch when it comes to boys.
i can be very cynical.

but im so hopeful.
i guess ive settled into being single.

before i wanted to be single with no interruptions, i was kinda stand off ish about it. i didnt want to even be looked at.

but i guess i miss liking someone.
i love having a crush. i like having that one boy that gives me butterflies. but i rarely do anything about it, cuz im such a pussy.

for example.
theres this guy that works at the local tillys who i think is just the cutes thing!
hes kinda tall, skinny, dark hair and eyes. dresses really cute. like jeans and a tshirt kinda guy. not baggy ugly jeans, but not like nut huggers either. he wears plaid shirts sometimes and i really love that..idk..he has one gaged ear.
my friend patty says hes so my type :]

but any ways, ill go in and i cant help but watchin him from my peripheral vision. ive made dumb small talk with him. but i will never get passed that. why? cuz sometimes its funner [not a real word] to just have a crush. plus like i said im such a pussy.

anyways. so i guess im now ready to ..dun dun dun..have a crush. maybe run into someone just super rad and nice.

idk.

i feel as if i finally was able to wash my hands of dirt ive carried with me for far to long. something that haunted all my other relationships.



im well aware that i sorta sabotaged things. im well aware that i jumped into things not ready.

i feel bad about the people ive hurt, and feel bad for the person who's hurt me.

im also finally read to just admit i was hurt. if i cared enough i would even let myself cry about it. but i dont anymore.

ive even been opening up more about my feelings about things. ive finally been dealing with things head on instead of just covering them up and ignoring them.

i guess all i need now is to figure out exactly what i want.

im not saying that im going to run around looking either. Thats not my style. im just saying i wont just do my usual smile and walk away, maybe ill consider talking and making conversation. lol

my Wisconsin we love wood tshirt is a cooool ass shirt haha




okay this is suck a flash back to me..this band