i dont have a 24 hr walmart

so i haven't written anything in forever. i guess its because everything has been so good lately that ive been enjoying the fuck out of it.

im a horrible speller, and sometimes i catch myself making mistakes but its too late..i hate going back and correcting shit..

i got the job i wanted.
im in love with an amazing man.
my dog actually sits when i tell him to now
my hair is long..ish..er

i suck at little big planet..how pathetic..


my grandpa is back from my aunts my grandma is now here too..which means...i sleep in the couch..wonderful


the love of my life is leaving to Honduras for a week! omg! how will i survive with out him.. bearly..


ive found what i wanted and have always waitied for. i love him with all my heart and i know for a fact its forever. ive never felt this way for anyone else and i never will.

its a beautiful thing to love some one so much with all your heart and know they love you the same back if not more and they'd do anything for you. id do anything for him, to hear his voice, feel his skin and see him smile. i want to spend the rest of my life showing and telling him how much i love him and being so good to him, with him.


im in love

yea be jelouse.

dont hate cuz were young and in love

<3

i hope everyone is doing great, single or in a relationship.
im sending out good loving vibes man..


LOVE denisse

it kills!

have you ever wanted something so bad it hurt, or you felt as if you couldnt wait anymore.

i just dont know how much more waiting i can do. why cant i just have it now!


life again slapping me across the face

thanx

october

october has been so weird for me.

ive felt lost and sad and confused this whole month.

i lost my grandpa and that hurt me so bad. i still get sad when i think about it. ive never had anyone close to me pass. i miss my papi beto.

well my other grandpa is back yet again from mexico i swear he might as well live here. lol. hes so funny.

i cant help but feel bi polar. i cant help but think some thing is gonna go wrong with us. i know i trust him but i think i may just be a little scared too. maybe im looking for reasons not to. ive been so hurt in the past that i cant seem to let myself believe that someone wont hurt me..eventually. im too cynical i guess..maybe, cuz i dont hold on to baggage so it cant be that..
i really just dont wanna end up finding something out.
i dont get too sad over people but that would brake me. hes the only boy that i will ever cry over and i rather just not.
i regret my last txt, so now i have to prepare what im going to say when he wakes up and sees it. well if i never would have said something it would haunt me.

is there such a thing as being too understanding..some of my Friends would have blown up if they were in my shoes.
nah i just know theres nothing to worry about. i trust him he hasn't given me a reason not too. plus it would be hard to hide shit from me.

i need to get over this, i dont know why i feel as if im waiting for something to go wrong. nothings perfect something may, but im scared its one of those things where it cant be fixed wrong.

i need to stop being such a girl and realize that this guys is working his ass off and giving up alot to be with me, i feel kinda guilty sometimes.

not all guys are douches, they just dont think sometimes...

plain and simple.


yea whatever im such a sucker for him. hes such a softie when it comes to me.. :]




maybe im just feeling like im losing everything, losing my grandpa is hard so maybe im scared to lose someone else...

death is complicated.

shorty is a 10

ok so i have a job interview on tuesday!
im pretty excited.
i need to leave my current hell hole of a job quick!
hopefully i get it, being broke doesnt fly with me..ok
car payments aint fun when you get your hrs cut

man if i get it ill be able to chill again and stop worrying about everything!
i really wanna go see cynthia in san diego since she moved there!

im excited about my drive up to san francisco with erich this weekend!!
aw man :]

yea things are looking good for now
im super positive but i gotta be realistic.


oh man i never watched those anime films.
ive been way to busy with family since my grandma came from mexico then left them my grandpa and people coming and driving to see other people. then the quinces.
FUCK
i gotta make time tho..

summers are always hectic in my house everyone comes over..all the time.

my grandpa is leaving tomorrow. i dont want him to go. ima miss the little guy<3
i love him so much and i know ill see him soon but it breaks my heart to have to see him go.
ill see him soon. maybe for christmas. ill be counting the days
<3


good night sweet dreams

i got it back

ok so i think im kinda falling for a boy.

its so strange to feel this. i haven't felt this in like a yr.

im so happy. i mean like all the fuckin time! i think about his ass all the mother fuckin time!
i cant help it. i wanna talk to him all the time!

jeez i got it bad..hehe..

tehehe

i have really nothing to major to talk about.

same shit different day.

but not bad horrible shit. just life shit.

im happy, things are going smooth. ive regained faith.

its hard to put into word what i feel, i just know i feel different.

content in my own bad luck haha

:]

oh man

is it just me or does it piss you off so see people so fuckin happy sometimes.

not that im some hateful bitter unhappy bitch

im really not

hateful or a bitch or bitter

maybe just good grief you know?

no but i chose this rut and here i lay.

happy in my own bizarre maybe so unhappiness.

witch isnt relay unhappiness

more like damn you all shakes fist but ends up laughing after i do so kinda thing


oh man.
i need a casper

you know the friendly ghost. to tell everything to and just take it for what it is because he doesnt really know better. cuz hes dead.

he was a good boy

to whom this may concern

i was recently told by someone to check these out so i did, on youtube obviously
i watch the trailers so i can get a sense of the movie before i watch them

princess mononoke
spirited away
howls moving castle
my neighbor totoro
full metal alchemist

princess mononoke and spirited away look beautifully made.
my neighbor totoro is so cute, just the two little girls and the little mice things lol
howls moving castle was my favorite from them all, it just looks so offbeat and the story really hooked me the girl gets turned into this old lady and the guy..
full metal alchemist looked good, but they didnt have a good trailer. the one i did warned having a spoiler. but it did look like they have the whole 51 or something episodes on line so ill watch it, but i have no idea what its about. there were alot of fan videos with music but i couldnt make out what was going on in some of them.

but its kinda late, im kinda psyched to really check them all out now.
the howls and full metal will most def be the ones i watch first.

so thanx :]

no mames

is it bad to be so self aware.
to know exactly why you are the way you are and why you react a certain way. for only being 2o i know exactly how and why i am the way i am.

its been good. but it messes wit me. ill catch myself before an act and try to counter it but i mess it up.or i try to be better at what i know i suck at and it never goes well either.

i think i know more then i should, some how it gets twisted in my head and i go on doing what i shouldn't as if i have no clue i would. when i saw it coming.

i know why i give to many chances, i know why im to nice, i know why i just dont give a shit..

it would probably be easier if i didnt.

people always come to me with issue when they needed to talk that i started coming to me. so late at nights i would just talk to myself. not out load cuz that would be crazy. id go on and on. id even make myself laugh sometimes. that was a little crazy. until i said everything even the things i didnt want to say.

so now i know exactly why.


nah, it has to be a good thing. ive always been pretty good with dealing with people.

i cant stand when you cant read a person and you have no idea what they want. it bugs me lol. i just wanna know and i dont wanna bring it up or go first



times like this i wish batman were real. he'd crawl thru my window id give him a nice back rub. we'd say good night [with s sloppy kiss duh] and go to sleep.

yes i day dream about bruce wayne. i like guys that are put together with a dark side. i dont mind a boy with a past as long as he can man up to it and has changed for the better.
also bruce is so smart, so hes a bit nerdy[plus]
we can watch cartoons together maybe he'll be into the history channel, teen titans haha.
i can go on and on about our imaginary lives together.
of course ill worry when he goes out, but i know he'll always come home. ill take care of the business [ yea i can get business savy] and our home while he fights for justice. plus the suite is so hot ;] oh yes.

for the sake of love

i dont really like anime

but i love me some Inuyasha and Kagome

fuckin cartoon network <3

i also love harley, from batman

thats would be a sick halloween costume haha

friends no more

ok i dont know what to do.

i have this guy friend and he really is a chill as guy. i consider him a good friend. a ride or die kinda friend.

but he dated one of my friends. like they were engaged. and all this shit went down after they broke up.

she doesnt really talk to him. so she say.

so now im wondering is it bad if i still would like to be friends with him.

they both will tell me shit and you dont know who to believe really.

ive stayed out of it and pretty mutual. and for a while i had to keep my friend ship with him a secret.

it breaks my heart to have to ignore him.

i would just like it to be okay to be both their friends.

but, i wonder is it ok? is there some kind of loyalty i owe her?

hmmmm..

thats not fair

okay.
i hate this whole double standard.

why are girls sluts and guys "playas"

if a guy were to say fuck im horny it'd be ok. but if i were to say oh god i want some id be a slut or people would assume im easy.

theres a difference between sleeping around and maybe just feeling lonely, but its not like your gonna go run to some random dude and demand him to take his pants off.

fuck people stop hating

girls get lonely too. haha


my cat has an eye infection. gross.

is it me, or do you sometimes go snooping around ex myspaces. not like in this oh i want him/her way. but you just wonder what they're doing.

so i found myself doing that. i forgot how cute he was. even my mom liked him. but i broke up with him like forever ago [last yr] and its nice to see he found someone else. he was such a great guy, he just wasnt for me. i felt like the worst person ever for breaking up with him. but everything happens for a reason.
i aint gonna lie i went lurking around her page too. she seems really cool.

and i love that when ever he hears an indy/ alternative song he still thinks of me.
i think i may have been to much for that boy. his reaction to things i'd say or do were funny.


despite all the boys ive meet i hope the best for all of them. and i hope they all find that person that they are ment to be with.


i went to a wedding last weekend in daly city. i helped cater it for my dads and uncles side business. and my mom was telling me to go out and look while the bride and groom came in. she said maybe id get ideas for when i decide to get married. i couldnt help but just laugh. only becuz i have that shit planned out to a T. haha kidding. no becuase i just cant see myself getting married.

wow i think ive turned myself into bridget jones.
ive turned away every guy ive ever met and liked.

haha wow.

no, yea ill get married. guys are to cute and funny to not want to spend the rest of my days with.
we'll play jinga


i was so mad that day. they threw away my food!!! grrrrrrrr
that is NEVER a good idea if you want to continue living

peeping tom

ok so i went late night lurking with my mom the other day.
my mom and dad belong to this group in our church and they get together every friday. this friday they're coming to our house again.

for 2 weeks they've been doing this secret santa thing where they buy something everyday and leave it for the couple they got.

so at like 10 pm i was watching tv and i hear someone ring our door bell and i could hear them running. so i was thinking ok lame ding dong ditching. but nope it was the church people. they left some good ass candy and flowers.

so then later that night like 11ish me and my mom go to the couple she got house to leave them a card and a nice plant she got them. it was so gay cuz we got there and they had there front door open. they were hanging out. so it hella ruined our plan. so we sneaked up to the side of the house opened there gate and just left it there. it was funny cuz my mom kept trying to plan it perfect. she even went back to make sure she left it in a good spot.




thank god for pools. ive been swimming alot. i also got a tan! i know! me a tan, its crazzzzy. maybe ill look mexican now.

new bangs, new tan, new state of mind.

um hello?!

does friend ship not mean anything to people now a days.

fuck people.

how can you be so close to someone. always have them run to you. you do everything for them. and then they just leave like its no big thing.


twice

its been done to me twice

im sick of people making me feel like i wasnt as big as a part of there lives as they were mine.

lately im starting to think i really dont have close friends anymore.

i guess ill see ya when you come back, if ever

i guess ill never see you again, since we both pushed eachother away

i would hate to think the person i loved, didnt give a shit back

i need to be cured

i am currently in love with the Jonas Brothers.

did i just wake up and forget im about to be 21 in august?

so i love cartoons, the disney channel, love everything hello kitty and im in love with the jonas brothers.

haha..ill Never grow up hehe.





is it wrong that my favorite is just 19! not even like turning 19 in August. omg. not good.



can you guess which ones my fave? yea the one on the left with the scarf, supper manly. i swear we kinda had the same hair a while back, but mine was just a little more masculine tho. haha..




hehehe



oh lordy lord, one please <3
ive been really good santa. come on Christmas in July..or early bday present? i promise not to even get TOO drunk when i turn 21. :]

added note: they play their own music, and write their own songs.
ya gotta give them some credit.

its not what it looks like

i ask alot of questions, its not cuz im nosy im just curious.
i guess i like knowing stuff about people. i would ask way more questions then i normally do but i dont want people to get the wrong idea.

like i said theres a difference between me wanting to know shit about you and you giving me your life story that ive heard 5 trillion times already, stop being selfish.

i found out i know one other person that is no on the opposite sex. so this dude from work is anti girls. so we talked about why we are so anti them. its kinda interesting to see how he feels about women and let him know how i feel about the b word..boys.

i need a man and they can be so hard to find...hehe

so we basically to sum it up: girls can lead guys on and make them feel like shit for reading the signals wrong, and guys say a bunch of nice shit for the boooootay.

there are exceptions ex: me and him.

also my friend sandra is going through what i went thru a while back with my ex, who we dont talk about anymore. it sucks to know that she has to go thru such crap. its so weird how one boy can make you feel so small, but then make you so incredibly happy so easily with any little thing. they can get away with murder.

i told her that i just cut out my ex from my life. i didnt tell her to do the same, but i told her that he isnt gonna give her what she needs and she needs to realize if the pain is worth it, if its not then she needs to slowly distance her self.

shes not the kind of person to cut someone off, she is just so loving with people.

it just made me think, does that make me a bad person? am i a heartless girl for cutting a boy out of my life i was with for over 2 yrs. i lost my virginity to him for gods sake. it took me a while to cut him out. but when i did it i did it with no remorse.

i wont lie i kinda mest up once, he contacted me..long story.
but i can never let him back in my life. well not any any time soon, maybe in like a yr if i run into him. but even then i dont think i wanna get all chummy.

i cut out my cousin, who was like my sister. well she did talk shit about me and my mom, so that bitch can burn for all i care.

but what kind of person can just not care. its not like i dont love them or miss them sometimes. i always will, they were huge parts of my life. but thats the thing they were.

im such a loving girl, i have enough love for the world. but i cant give it to people who take advantage of it. not anymore.

i learned something, love it gained and earned. not just given. i expect to work for love and i expect people to want to work for mine.



man, i need to learn to discipline my puppy. hes such a guy. he fucks up then licks me, cuddles and gives me that face and i cant help but forgive him. :]
im telling you they get away with murder!!

also

since when does being in a relationship give you the right to get all.......you know uh!
its not like im jealous, i was the one that told you i just wanted to be friends.

you dont gotta get all weird on me.






ive been missing stuff alot lately. everything. i miss my friends. there are some people i could have sworn id never miss cuz we'd always be so tight. and i find myself missing them. i think about them alot. i feel as if they just dont have room for me, and not just cuz they're in "love". i miss them like i'd miss an ex boyfriend i thought id end up married to.
i know i could call or txt, but lately its been to no response. ill get something days late. oh sorry i was busy me and .......
its cool, im so glad they're happy. im glad that they are living there lives and have found some one great to do it with.
its just they were the great people i did it with.
use to do it with.

i joke about needing new friends.
i could never replace them, but i guess i gotta just find new people to love and explore with.
i guess it was kinda foolish to think it would just be us forever.




so my dog is no longer scared of the chiwawa by the park. he stood tall and even walked toward it as it barked like the crazy annoying chiwawa that it is.

go toby show him who owns this block!

let me talk to you for a minute

i love late night conversations i do, but i hate it when your talking to some one and you just dont wanna talk anymore so you start feeling bad so you make up some bs lie. oh im getting tired. and then they catch you on myspace and you get a message from them hey i though you went to sleep. then you have to cover that up. jeez.

if someone didnt wanna talk to me i wouldnt care, just can say they're busy or just dont say much till i say well bye. but i cant do that to people i have to lie. cuz i dont wanna be mean.

sometimes i just dont wanna hear about how much your relationship sucks. i dont wanna hear how you hate but still love your ex. i dont wanna hear about some dude or chick. or how much you love your "better half".jeeeeeez.

not to say that during every conversation i have with people i secretly wanna strangle them. there are just those few people that will go on and on. and they ask you one question like so how was your day and before you can finish the sentence it reminds them of something so they go off again.

usually i love to just listen to people. and every once in a while ill say something.

theres a difference between using yourself as an example to explain something or help and just totally talking about you.

its rude.

i do genuinely care about whats going on with my friends and family the good shit the bad, but some people i just wanna run away from when i see coming.

im running out of reasons why i didnt answer my phone.

i hate when you talk to someone you use to be close to but now things have changed and its just so awkward. some times i love it, re living things and catching up. its so much fun. but then there are those people that make it awkward cuz feelings are involved usually both parties feeling the opposite of the other one.


lets just talk about your favorite tv show.
i like cartoons, like toonami kinda shit :]

plant a tree

its hella hot AGAIN!

jeeeez

and i have the worst one arm tan. my fuckin left arm is darker then my right arm. when i drive the suns always burning up that arm. so now i have this light farmers tan. ON ONE ARM

life is so not fair



<3

the black abyss

i just watched serendipity for the first time.
i first have to say that i LOVE john cusak. damn. if he were younger or i was older. i loved him back in the 80's. hes the dorky awkward cute boy of my dreams.


back to the movie.

i believe in fate. completely. i believe as we go about living our lives there are clues left for us to see, letting us know exactly what is mean for us.

i've left alot of my decisions up to fate and chance. it might have been a good thing maybe not. so far everything seems to be going ok, so ill go with it.

but it does make you over analyze every little thing. something i tend to do. its a habit ive kinda shaken.

meh. i let the universe speak to me and i listen and act accordingly








anti boy fem bot out
deuces

this is easy

i could go on forever.
there are to many songs. the older the better.

even tho people have called dashboard confessional "emo" and even me for LOVING them, i love them!!

this band is the perfect soundtrack for love.
for falling into love, and falling out. i prefer the first one.
i could fall in love with them playing in the back ground.


even tho technically its only one guy in the "band" whatever ill still refer to the band as them. lol

my nails are a tangy pink

have you ever just needed to talk. and have someo one listen and give you advise or help you sort things out. you know. like when you talk and talk and basically rationalize and solve your own problem with out there help really, but it was nice that they listened.

i havent wanted to talk to anyone of my usual friends. i dont know.
the people who i would ant to talk to are probly to busy and then just go on and on about them selves and becuase im to nice ill let them, and when the conversation in over ill realize that went no where. for me atleast.
and the ones that would listen im not sure if i want to talk to them.

i think somepeople know me to well. or maybe not enough.

i dont know.

ive been talking to myself alot. its not ok.
i got to the point where i thought it all made sense and i figured alot out. then i just kinda forgot it all i guess.

back to square one. my favorite place to be

i love watching Ghost World

la pinche vida

so. the boy.
i havent been avoiding him. more like "i lost my phone sorry i missed that call" kinda shit you know. or i m busy sorry i cant hang. im a horrible horrid girl that will be forced to walk the world only breaking hearts and never getting the chance to love and be loved.

hes already in a love hurts incubus kinda mood.
aw!!! more akward asian face!!!!!! im doing my best to make it a proper one since i am not the best at it, ed is. [yea thats a shout out, like in the rap music videos]

i hate this, im becoming a nun.

wait, no.

so ive read 2 books in the past 3 days. i would have finished it earlier if i didnt have to:
work thursday, mow the lawn, then help clean the yards, then do all the normal house shit on firday and then go out, and then have family come by today. oh and i walked and played with the dog all 3 days.

im reading a series im on 3 of like 8. so almost! i love amazon.

since on the subject of lawns, i HATE mowing the freaking thing!
i dont know why my mother decided it was a good idea to make me do it on friday. has the woman gone mad!its known that i just dont do it. im not good at it. she always bitches about how i do it un evenly and not well. my responce: then why make me do it. and shes always so quick to say, so you'll learn. i dont wanna learn, if i ever have a lawn ill find a kids who'll do it for 10 bucks. help the little people out a bit, its a win win. and if im married then i guess we know what he'll be doing.
but i had to on friday, i actually decided to do it well. not to good cuz then my mom will make a habit of making me do it, but good enough she wouldnt complain.

ive been so poopy. what the feezie is going in wit me. i really havent been in the mood for anything. i took a nap today, well i guess it wasnt so much of a nap as much as it was sleeping the day away. i woke up at 11. did what i had to. i then read for hours. took a nap at around 3 and didnt get up till almost 8. went to jack in the box. and read until i had to go get my brother.

wow. am i getting use to my old cat lady life already. maybe its a good thing. ill feel less bad for myself later in life. i can use the excuse no im happy this way, since ive been this way since 20.

or maybe it could just be im bored. and just waiting to turn 21, and maybe ill actually take part in having a life again.

my mom even looked at me weird today. i guess this change in me is that noticeable. she asked me if im on my period. i am not.

its probly my fault. im tired of feeling this way, but i dont do anything about it. i just sit back and feel help less. i need to take charge dammit.

i applied at this place where my friend works. her friends gonna be management in about 2 weeks so i think im in.

my bday is coming up.

school is still confusing

fucktard!

i dont wanna become a sham of a person with no future goals or ambition.

why am i being such a downer lately.fuck.

i guess its like one of those things where one thing goes bad so everything else follows and i havent had things be this sucky so its getting to me a bit.

meh. on the bright side even thou i havent been on my adventures, havent ran into random people and situations, i have had my laughs.

man. life is never that bad.

ok must stop. no more blog. lol
less blog more music. or museak or musik or musak
lol

what to do..

sometimes i dont even know why this sort of thing ever happens. its not like its my fault but, matters of the heart are always tricky.

so, my ex all of a sudden has been txting me alot. which is cool. hes such a rad kid i wanted to stay friends. but i think after a break up there has to be a little distance just to kinda of make it easier. whatever, anyways. so lately it has been like a everyday thing. i didnt think much of it, at all.

im so blind when it comes to this sort of thing. i never think anyone likes me. just like i never realize when im flirting. cuz apparently i can be a flirt.

so he then springs it at me. he starts off being all funny and joking around that its my fault he cant sleep cuz its 3am. i ask why, he just says just cuz. then he says it.

dun dun dun

ive been thinking about you alot lately.


:/ <--- that was my face.

ok its been months since we broke up and really talked and ive moved on. i really just dont see myself getting romantically involved with him anymore. im SO into signs, so i took our break up as a sign.

maybe im suppose to meet someone else soon or way later, but i took it as a im not suppose to be with him, at all or right now. i read into things alot. yea, its annoying :]

but, i dont know what to do. im not leading him on. if he starts to get all mushy on me and talk about feelings im going to have to just tell him.

i think we should just be friends.

guys favorite words huh?

i dont know what else to say. hes cool, i know he wont go psycho. hes a sensitive kid i kinda think this will result in alot of poems about broken hearts. thats gonna fuckin hurt me so bad.

but im not gonna lead him on, it'll hurt him way more in the long run and its not fair to the both of us.

i really hate that i have to do this AGAIN, and it wasnt with im the last time. jeeeeez im bad luck i think!

can we all just stop this shit. wouldn't it be nice if God just wrote us all a letter with a picture and an address of the person we're suppose to be with. haha and maybe his aim. it would stop all the getting hurt and hurting others.


but then i guess we'd never learn what we have to.

it just sucks to hurt someone, cuz i know what it feels like to be hurt.

3 blind mice

i feel as if my parents got a divorce.

my two best friends cynthia and andrea, for lack of a better word, are not friends anymore. so it kinda sucks. if i do go to southcity i have to go once for andrea and again for cynthia. i really dont mind. the drive is like nothing, my cars is SO good on gas :]. i love the drive. plus when i go down there it gives me a chance to see other people to.

its just, i miss it being the 3 of us. in highschool it was always us 3. i miss sleeping over an cynthias house with andrea and all 3 of us on cynthias comfy ass big bed talking all night. i miss doing random shit or just sitting in cynthias room eating. what ever it was, it was fun cuz it was us 3.

i have fun with just one, but part of me just gets kinda sad being around just one of them at a time.

im glad they never tried to put me in the middle.

also, i HATE my lap top.
i was up until like 3 the other night [not last night like in thursday] just trying to download music. there has to be an easier way!

i almost punched my lap top. im not even kidding. this is why i still dont have back all the music i lost like over a year ago. i really dont think i ever will. it brakes my heart.

oh well.

i hate computers, i hate the internet.

BLAH!!!!

i hate lap tops, and them burning your lap!

pity

my favorite song for life <3<3<3<3<3<3<3!!!!!



doesnt it make you want to get all romantic.
<3>

ok i think im done posting the videos.lol.

so hows life? GREAT.

im so bored. i feel like i have nothing to do lately. like im just sitting with nothing new to tell. dang.

so my dog got into the house while we were all one. needless to say, shit [NOT as in caca, but like in our stuff] was everywhere he went crazy and the cat was just chillin.

damn i love my animals <3

arg huuuuu um paaa

so i missed out on the junanes concert
i still havent seen narnia.


oh man.

i got the rest of my life lol.

i told my brother i was gonna start a skateboarding crew, and he laughed at me. i told him i was gonna recruit our next door neighbor, hes this little asian 12 yr old. hes pretty good. better them me. but hey i can learn. fuck have a little faith.

ill hurt myself maybe brake a bone. im a big girl


its hoooooooot.
i miss south city and its cold summer. even thou i guess i went when it was cold cuz its suppose to have been hella hot. my first trip of the summer. was nice, had an adventure. nice bbq. gonna be back sooon. faster then you can say
arg huuuuuuu um paaa


lol

so i just saw this guy who ive basically grew up with. its so weird we use to be like best friends, then just grew apart. seeing him today was nice. last time i saw him was when i was still in highschool. its kinda gross that he tried to "talk" to my two bestfriends. i could never see him like that. even thou my parents and his use to joke about how we would probly get married. i knew mine did. but i was told i guess his did to.

um..nah.

oh childhood memories are the best

beware

i cant wait for cristian to spend the summer.
he's like my little brother.

i talked to him today and we just laughed about all the shit we did last time he was here and all the shit we wanna do.

and about random shit.

marching band?
instead of rock bad.

haha


haha oh man.


yay :]

stupid dumb

i swear. ive made up my mind. its official.

i will end up alone with 10 cats. dont laugh. ill be happy. i love cats. and ill only pretend to be crazy. wont be too hard.

i swear everyone, i mean everyone, is with someone. its like annoying. i never noticed it until this past week. maybe cuz half of the people i know all have relationship issues they are stressing over and they all came to me to talk. for someone who's so great at giving advice i sure cant even stay in one.

its kinda funny, everyone always usually says the same thing. the obvious you ll find someone. and the wow your so chill and cool about things and never get all dramatic why are you still single.


:/

well its cuz you people scare me. ive been that person. stuck in a relationship domed from day one. and it seems like everyone else is struggling. why should i.

first of all, duh! every relationship has its ups and downs.
i just dont wanna deal with any downs.

maybe i need a cute boy i can hang with make out with but not be with.
wait, no that makes me sound like a slut.

why is it that guys can do all this shit and its ok, but if a girl does it shes a slut.

its ok. i really wouldnt want to do that. cuz if i were id like him to be my boyfriend. even thou that word sound so bizarre to me.

but it would be nice. ill say it, i miss cuddling and making out and late night phone calls.

anyways.

cats. i love them.

on to more important subjects..

its so bloody HOT!!!!!

its like 100 and its like 1.30am! okay maybe not 100 but like 80.

this will be my 3rd summer here and im still not use to it.

south city better be cold.

ok not cold. but warm with a slight breeze.
please.

thats it

i think i fell in love and his name is simon rex aka mc dirt nasty

haha. hes so hot. and his raps are sick i must admit.



el guapo haha..




ok okay he's kinda wack. but i like wack.


also i just talked to my friend and he has hecka drama with his girlfriend.
she has all this baggage that she cant let go of. she doesn't treat him fairly because she was so un appreciated before she became defensive and doesn't want to get hurt so she's put up a wall. but its not fair to blame someone for things someone else did to you. you should never get into something new unless you have moved on from the past or are making the right moves to at least.

that just reminds me of why im single. not cuz i still got baggage, but because relationships can be drama.

and until i find a nice chill kid i think ill stay the way i am. happy and single :]

i have to have it

i want rock band bad.
so i just played today with whole band and everything and i want it bad!
dude the drums are so much fun to play.
its so fun to play with hella people.


must must must must




i cant wait to be in south city saturday and sunday :]
finally ive been lazy



so my friend is going sky diving with hella people tomorrow morning. and im the loser that has to work all day so i miss out :[

im terrified of heights, but fuck that man id so do it.


bummed, to say the least.

nope.

so i love this is song right now i just think its kinda super cute.

but i cant find a good video on you tube for it so here are the lyrics

dr manhattan- Tracy's buns

Thank God for your hair and your... eyes... and...
Thank you for your hair and your eyes and your gums,
Thank God for your hip bones and your plavey and your buns,
Thank God...
Thank you for your nose and always keeping it in my business,
Thanks for your concern about my sleep and my fitness,
About my sleep and my fitness.

Hi there Tracey,
I miss you more than Thursday,
But I am with you now,
Oh thank God for your birthday yeah,
Said thank God for your birthday yeah.

I can't wait to be eighty-eight so we can drive off a cliff,
But right now it's your birthday and I'm poor so here's my gift,
I can't wait to see you again,
I hope it's not three days,
I can't wait til your president,
I hope it's in three days,
I said I hope it's in three days.

Hi there Tracey,
I miss you more than Thursday,
But I am with you now,
Oh thank god for your birthday
Said hi there Tracey,
I miss you more than Thursday,
But I am with you now,
Oh thank god for your birthday yeah,
Said thank god for your birthday yeah.

Thank God for your birthday yeah,
Thank God for your birthday yeah.

Milkshakes,
Are pretty fucking tasty,
But I enjoy you more,
Because your Tracey,
And I love you,
So much.

<3<3<3<3
sweet huh?
lol


http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=374606830

check the link to hear the song.


oh and did you know you can check the peoples music history on their myspace?
i did :]

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=songHistory.remove&friendID=10485455&historyID=2545483

i dont know if any of it will work.

hold my own hand

so ive been feeling very oh la la lately.
i dont know exactly what it may mean.
i guess im over being a brutal bitch when it comes to boys.
i can be very cynical.

but im so hopeful.
i guess ive settled into being single.

before i wanted to be single with no interruptions, i was kinda stand off ish about it. i didnt want to even be looked at.

but i guess i miss liking someone.
i love having a crush. i like having that one boy that gives me butterflies. but i rarely do anything about it, cuz im such a pussy.

for example.
theres this guy that works at the local tillys who i think is just the cutes thing!
hes kinda tall, skinny, dark hair and eyes. dresses really cute. like jeans and a tshirt kinda guy. not baggy ugly jeans, but not like nut huggers either. he wears plaid shirts sometimes and i really love that..idk..he has one gaged ear.
my friend patty says hes so my type :]

but any ways, ill go in and i cant help but watchin him from my peripheral vision. ive made dumb small talk with him. but i will never get passed that. why? cuz sometimes its funner [not a real word] to just have a crush. plus like i said im such a pussy.

anyways. so i guess im now ready to ..dun dun dun..have a crush. maybe run into someone just super rad and nice.

idk.

i feel as if i finally was able to wash my hands of dirt ive carried with me for far to long. something that haunted all my other relationships.



im well aware that i sorta sabotaged things. im well aware that i jumped into things not ready.

i feel bad about the people ive hurt, and feel bad for the person who's hurt me.

im also finally read to just admit i was hurt. if i cared enough i would even let myself cry about it. but i dont anymore.

ive even been opening up more about my feelings about things. ive finally been dealing with things head on instead of just covering them up and ignoring them.

i guess all i need now is to figure out exactly what i want.

im not saying that im going to run around looking either. Thats not my style. im just saying i wont just do my usual smile and walk away, maybe ill consider talking and making conversation. lol

my Wisconsin we love wood tshirt is a cooool ass shirt haha




okay this is suck a flash back to me..this band

es amor

i cant wait to have that again.

i hope you all have it, if you do hold on to it.
if not we will soon :]

man this song makes me just wanna dance!!

la la la la la

yes even at 2am in my room i dance

brand new

so i got up and danced around my room for a bit.

im starting new.

im erasing everything from the top of my head to the tip of my toes.

im building myself up again.

your more then welcome to join.


i have HELLA ice cream





YUM!!!!

a little bit of me

i dont know whats going on with me anymore?
ive been feeling so tired lately.
i sleep in way too much.
i dont fall asleep till 3.

im getting worried.

i feel as if i have nothing to look forward to.
i have no reason to wake up some mornings.

im so tired with my life. not in a suicidal way, but im tired of the life ive fallin into here in san jose. everything here is getting to me. i feel stressed, i feel anxious, i feel way to nostalgic.

i need to get away.

i was about to just drive on to the free way and see where it would take me, but then i remembered its mothers day so i just came back home.

something in san jose is draining me.
i dont know whats getting to me, i think everything is.

i got up at 11 today. i took my brother to work and came back and helped my mom clean the house.

i was suppose to clean my room. but instead i just got back into bed. ive just been laying here. doing nothing. its getting to me.

my parents asked me if im hungry like 5 times already. if i have to say no one more time im going to scream.

is it hard to be left alone? apparently in this house.

i dont know what it is but lately my parents and and some close friends have really been getting to me. like i cant stand them. im normally not like this.

maybe i blame san jose, because ive never felt like this before. maybe i blame this city because the fiends im so tired of are from here.

im not blaming the city exactly, more like what its doing to me. what something is doing to me here.

i was suppose to have started school in april, but because some dumb chick mest up i missed a week of school so now i have to wait till august.

jeeeeeeez.

i could not hate a place more then how much i hate this place.
i cant stand feeling this way.

i really need to snap out of it.

again...i need something new. i need an escape.
i need me back. ive been through so much and fought so hard for me back. i dont wanna lose it again.

i wanna go for a walk. i wanna go feed the ducks across the street. i wanna sit in the grass or climb a tree.

well it is mothers day, i hope you all can celebrate it the best way possible. in mexico it was yesterday so i did my mothers day celebrations ayer. i gave my mom her card and present i talked to my aunts and grandma.

<3 bye

see boys win my heart


MUSTACH!!! "its a me mario"
haha
the guy in the green looks like hes fucking a dog or something in the corner


oh my..scream in that mic.. ;]

never

so i MAY make lesbian jokes all the time.
i make passes at my lesbian friends.
whatever.
but im not gay or bi what so ever
yea i think girls are SO fuckin sexy, and yea maybe ive thought about it..but nah i like my sausage and balls..hahaha
ill admit it a naked girl is way prettier then a naked guy.
ill also admit it ill check myself out in front of the mirror before getting in the shower. not cuz i think im so hot. far from it. i just think girls have such cute figures and its just pretty. i love my boobs, im at a place where i accept the size and love and embrace it.

haha..anyways


even tho some people might like to think ill switch teams or even experiment. i have NEVER kissed a girl and NEVER will..

i just love a cute skinny dark haired dorky boy. someone to hold me close. some one to shake me up like a rag doll. someone to get dirty with. someone to watch tv and eat cereal with. someone to sneak out with. someone to driver for hours to no where with. some one to make faces at. someone to attack when i feel frisky.






its WAY to late even for my own good.

if this was the end

if i were to die i would want my last memory be a good one. i dont know what that would be, maybe im hoping the best memory i would have for myself is yet to come.
i just want to know that even if things didnt work out as planned i tried and had fun with it either way. when it rained i ran through it. when things fell apart i made something new from it. when i cried i smiled through it.
if that makes sense

i want people to look back and say you know what denisse had strength beyond her years and so much love she could have feed the world with it and no one would ever go hungry.

i wish the best for everyone. even the people i may not be so found of.

pretty much

i want something new.
a lot of somethings new.

i mean im happy. work sucks. some people are kinda shady. but besides that i do have some people that i do love and trust. so its nice.

i made a promise to myself i still haven't broken, and its easier everyday not to.

i need to get out and move about.

whats up with them millions blogs a day thing? haha..i get bored late at night, alone.


wheres my pony? oh man i cant sleep with out my cuddle partner! i do have my harold [my purple bean bag pillow]. ive traded in cuddle partners. i love them both equaly haha..
pillows are more reliable then boys. plus they dont mind when i start to move around and push them closer to the edge of the bed.never pushed anyone off a bed, unintantialy atleast


save me!!!

white out

whats better to be lied to, to cover up something that can hurt you.
or be told the truth and have it ruin days to come.

i hate being lied to. i try so hard not to lie to people.
but there have been times that i knew i was being lied to, but it sounded so good i went along with it.

there are times i dont trust what i hear, but its better then getting into some pointless argument with someone.

is it bad to say i push people away. is it horrible that i keep people at an arms length sometimes. its a bad habit to always be so vague.

maybe i distrusted some of the people i was the closest to it still haunts me. can you really just be over it if certain aspect still follow you.

not the names, the places, but the shit they do that hurts.


i wont blame or judge you because someone in my past mis used my trust.
you should never walk around with a black cloud hovering over you ready to rain any any kind of parade you start to have.



is closure bad? is wanting to say everything bad? is wanting to have noting unsaid before the last good bye bad?im all for having everything that needs to be said said. whatever the issue who ever its with, i will say what needs to be said.


but sometimes i wonder are some things better left unsaid?



i feel like the only thing that you should never forget are the things you got out of something and learned. move on from the past. fuck the names, places and times. but keep the lessons. cheesy much...lol


im good where i stand.


i hope you are all able to let go of whatever monsters have followed you and have kept you awake. i hope that you can look back and not have it defeat you as it once might have. i hope you can look back to take something from it and look forward to something new.

dont regret, dont dwell.
i dont, and refuse to


its getting late
this is so pretty to me

who doesnt love jesus

except the..kidding!
im not going to go there haha..
never mind

i went to a two hour church with my parents today. from the beginning i felt out of place. why? well im glad you asked. because it was a "special" church for all the couples that went to the marriage retreat. i didnt go. im no part of a couple, far from it. but what the hey i went along with it. i then started to look around at the people and realized that im the only person my age here that came with their parents. everyone else kids were like 14 at the most. the only other people my age there were this married couple.

jeeeeeeeeeez. my age and married. wowzers man. one of my best friends is married to a good friend of mine. i envy that. to find someone you want to share the rest of your life is amazing.to have it at our age is extraordinary. its hard to find. but even if i had someone amazing marriage is a big step. but im glad they found it either way.

i think if you feel like your ready to get married at whatever age, go for it. being married doesnt mean its the end of the world. i hate when people say that. you can still have a life, the life you had before. just some thing have to change because its not longer just you its us. but enough about that..

so i sat there and though, my parents cant be the only couple with kids my age. i started to wonder where their kids where and why they didnt come. my brother didnt tag along cuz he worked. im not saying that im too old for church, i just wonder why im the only person that still goes to these type of things with there parents.

anyways..it was nice.
there were the usual kids that were playing the whole time. i sat behind a row of kids so it kinda would disturb my Jesus time. i watched them fight over toys then share toys. one little boy kept trying to play hide and seek with me. that was fun. i love kids, but dang they are a handful.

so our usually sunday choir is a group of kids. they cant really sing, and they play the piano and guitar semi good. so its really not that great but its funny so i love it. plus i think its sweet that its just kids. theres the main guy that runs it and he plays the guitar so it really does sound decent thanks to him. reminds me of wheni was in our Church's choir back in south city, good old all souls. my parents got married there.
back to what i was saying..
but this time there was just one guy, a guitar, keyboards, and a beat machine. yea man. it had style. it was cheesy. but it sounded pretty official. some straight up low budget decent cd music good. he was dressed in all black. with this antonio banderas El Mariachi gelled back hair. but that man can sing. he sounded like someone my mom would blast in the kitchen early in the morning.


then in the middle of the church when we shake hands to welcome each other everyone kept throwing there hands in the air. they made this hand gesture that means peace or something or another. i just sat and laughed to myself cuz this is what they did. it just looked funny watching old people throw it up. and my dad kept doing it and would lean in and say rock on. it was dreadful.

so then they went on about mothers for mothers day. they shared stories and played a song. i leaned in to my mom and held her and before i knew it we were both crying. yea we're both softies like that.

all in all it was nice. at times i felt kinda strange sitting there while they were talking about the relationship of the husband and wife. there was even a point where they told the parents to take their kids to a separate room and my dad looked at me and made this joke about how i should go and have fun playing with the kids. i didnt go to the room. i still have my pride damn it.


so now my parents want to go to a family retreat in june. all 4 of us a whole weekend dedicated to bring us close to each other and God. i told my mom id go, i know itll mean alot to her.

8 left

i really do hope cats get 9 lives, cuz fuckin chachi you just got 8 left.

so this is what happened with my little pussy [pun intended] we had to take him to the vet. so my mom and i tried taking him early monday but he ran away!! i chased after him but couldnt get him. so after i left to work he did come back. so my mom along with my dad took him.

so basically his cheek was filled with PUS. they attached 3 straw tube things to his cheek so its slowly draining out blood and pus. that means me and my mom have to be constantly cleaning his face.

they shaved like half his face. hes going to look so funny when he gets back to normal. they also neutered him so he has that huge cone around his head.

so we decided that chachi is no longer and outside/inside cat. strictly inside from now on. this has been traumatic for all of us. hes been so drugged up to help with the pain and we has medicine we give him twice a day for the infection.

he also has leukemia. its spread thru blood from cats so the cat that did this to him gave my cat leukemia. the doctor said that it doesn't mean hes going to die. he can live a long happy healthy life. we just have to watch out for him a little extra more if he starts to get sick alot.

so yea, my poor baby it hurts to look at him to see him in this state. they took his man hood he has straws coming out of his shaved face. poor chachi.

i love him to much to let anything happen to him. hes worth the $500 to get him better.


and another $50 for his post surgery check up.

please pray for my kitty <3


this is for you chachi who said you still cant keep your sexy on even tho you look really gross right now

please

im worried about my cat. im trying not to think about it too much cuz it hurts. but i need to let it out.

he went missing for a couple of days. he's done that before so i wasnt too worried about it, i knew he'd come back. so he finally did this morning. he looked so bad. he was so dirty and has this cut on his cheek. he was beat up pretty bad. i dont know what other cat did this to him, but if i ever find out ill personally kill it myself. okay maybe not i love animals but ill throw water at it.

his cheek is so swollen, so i cleaned up his scar. he eats and drinks water like he always does so its not that im scared that hes dying. it just breaks my heart to see him in this kind of shape. he walks around a little, but its different. he just looks tired and sore.

hes lost alot of weight. my mom cleaned him up and put all this medicine on his scar to make sure it doesnt get infected and to stop the swelling.

i told her that im not letting him go out anymore. hes an indoor cat from now on. when i first saw him my heart just fell. for a second i though he was dying and i almost broke down. just thinking about it hurts.

but i know hes not to badly injured, so he'll be okay.

i hope he'll be okay. he has to be.

mi pobresito chachi.



aw he looks so mad

he's yawning

kitty

my poor cat wont come home cuz of the dog. hes been gone for 2 days now. hes done this before, the longest he's gone is like 5 days i think.

my cats a dick cuz the puppy just wants to play he'll even get down to show him he wont fight. but my cat just hises at him and looks like he's gonna claw his face off.

chachi come home!!!!

the last kiss

i could be your last chance for happiness








i hope you wake up happier tomorrw then you did today.

the sun was high

my day after work:


i walked my dog. he still gets scared when cars pass by. he follows people alot, hes realy play ful. we past by the house with a little ass chiwawa and he actually ran down to the end of the block! omg..scardy cat..


i took him to the cayote park/ creek right across the street of my house. when i look out my window all i see are trees and the fence seperating the street tot he park. i run away to it at night and during the day.


i then came home and ate coco puffs..YUM <3

i hate you

I don't care what colour you are. I don't care where you're from. I don't care what you do for a living. I don't care what class you are, how you dress, what you smoke or drink or who you know or whom you've fucked.



I hate you all. I hate every last living, breathing, snot and feces producing, promiscuously copulating, celebrity obsessed, opinionated one of you. From right here in Toronto right around the planet and back, coast to coast, nationwide and internationally. Every. Single. Last. One. Of. You.



Fuck love. Fuck your insipid grasping at some abstract concept of chemical imbalances and reasonless actions, fumbling around in the crowd trying to find some cinematic supposition for real human interaction. Fuck lust, too. Fuck you all, from the lowlife dirtbags that think dropping trou and waving the little soldier in a sloppy arc is a pick-up line to the sniveling of the desperate 'nice guys' who never get the girl due to a total lack of testosterone grown stones. Fuck you all, from the crazy, under dressed sluts that judge a persons character by the price of their shirt, right down to the fat, flabby chicks that think personality is enough.



Fuck you drivers, for thinking that a yellow light is a sign that says 'step on the gas'. Fuck you wheelmen and women that think it's okay to sit in a left hand turn in the middle of morning traffic, even though there is a protected left in the intersections before and after where you need to make your turn. Fuck you too cyclists - you're not exempt from the traffic laws just because your peddling, you miserable spandex covered neon reflective fucks. Fuck you too, pedestrians. Use the fucking crosswalk if you don't want to get hit, and use it before the little countdown clock says '3'. You don't have enough goddamn time to lope across four lanes of traffic.



Fuck you chick on your cellphone. Fuck you attitude packed minimum-wager that makes my coffee. Fuck you cops that spend all their time handing out speeding tickets. Fuck you douche bag doing ten over the limit in the passing lane on the highway. Fuck you lady using exact change at the counter at the grocery store. Fuck you kids having a conversation in the doorway. And fuck you also for not getting the fuck out of your designated handicapped seat when a pregnant or elderly person gets on the fucking bus.



Fuck taxes. Fuck welfare. Fuck the whole selfish, over politicized and party driven government system. I'm sick and fucking tired of policies and new laws with seven hundred bylaws that nobody but you and your cabinet reads. Fuck you councilors and your stupid 'district improvement' plans. Fuck you unions, for asking for so much and giving nothing more that what you already give. Fuck the whole process that allows people who are supposed to be working for us work for interests that only benefit the next campaign. Fuck your short-sightedness, your rush to the bandwagons, and your incessant arguing over fuck all. Fuck the parties, fuck the conventions, and fuck your campaigns. Do some real fucking work for a change.



Fuck you bottles of water. You're water. You're not worth two fucking dollars.


Fuck you trendsetters, fuck you fashionistas. Fuck your little dogs and and your idiotic outfits. Fuck your high heels in the snow. Fuck your five dollar coffees and your fifteen dollar veggie burgers. Fuck your health kick, your diet or your fucking new interest in kickboxing or sushi.



Fuck your culture. Fuck your race. Fuck your sense of entitlement. Fuck your sense of uniqueness. Fuck you all for the belief that you have something unique and interesting to contribute. Fuck you for filling the internet with your useless garbage. Fuck your blogs, your wikis, your forums. Fuck your name calling. And most of all, fuck whatever you believe. It's all wrong. Fuck it.



Fuck your complaints. Fuck your addictions. Fuck your dependencies. Fuck your pain. Fuck your tears. Fuck selling whatever it is you sell. Fuck your manipulation of others. Fuck movies. Fuck fucking. Fuck everything you own. Fuck your allergies. Fuck your stupid commons sense. Fuck your spelling and fuck your lack of education, or your ignorance, whatever is applicable.



I don't give a fuck. Shut the fuck up and just get on with it.




http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tor/